This entry is all about UNM’s transportation options, on and off campus. Before I get too negative, I’d like to begin by praising the South lot bus drivers. Nothing but love for these hard working men and women. For the most part, they are very friendly, they’ll open the door even after they’ve closed it if you look panicked enough, and instead of slowing to a halt at a yellow light—losing precious minutes—they’ll put the petal to the metal and zip their passengers to where they need to be as if they were driving the DeLorean from Back to the Future. Whenever I exit at the front of the bus, I make sure to tell the driver thank you because as a busy college student those saved minutes are always appreciated.
Now on to the less pleasant business. Let’s talk about the multitudes of bicyclists and skaters that litter the campus on a daily basis. Right now, you may be saying to yourself, “Bikers and skaters have just as much right to the campus as anybody. What have they ever done to you, you hateful blogger?” Well, for starters, I’ve been run into. As a big man I do present a larger target than most people, but still it’s not as if I’m a contestant on “The Biggest Loser” the day before they start filming. I can still find stuff that fits me at the local Kohl’s. Maybe the kid (male) that slammed his bike right into my side underestimated the speed of which I was traveling—I do have long legs—but that’s no excuse. People of stature should not have to walk the campus in fear of being run into by cyclists with distorted senses of time and space. Luckily, the kid and his bike just bounced right off me, but his next victim may not be so fortunate. Because I was walking with someone and there were plenty of other witnesses, I just gritted my teeth and accepted his apology. But I’ve been tasting bile ever sense.
As for the skaters, they roll around campus like they own the joint. Who hasn’t had at least one close encounter with a skateboarder that left you feeling the breeze? Now I’m not suggesting that bikers and skaters be outlawed; that smacks a little too much of Martial Law. Besides, if UNM put the kibosh on unnecessary wheeled devices, they would be in danger of losing up to 20% of the student population. Yes, we pedestrians are the vast majority, but we’re not all-powerful. As the majority, however, incessantly plagued by the rolling minorities, all I’m asking for is this: one skateboard/bike-free day. One single day. The day will be well publicized so they’ll be no excuse for any violations. It will also not be on a Friday, so every regular student can appreciate the temporary peace.
And if students feel the need to skate and bike on campus on this most sacred day, pedestrians will be allowed to manipulate the trajectory of any illegal device, be it bike or skateboard. We won’t be allowed to perform violent acts upon their person, just their ride. See a bicyclist cruising around on the bike-free holiday? Slam a large stick into their spokes! That will teach ‘em. Are a couple of rogue skaters ruining No Skaters Allowed Day? Well, if you time it right (and if you weigh enough) you can jump on the back end of their board and send them flying into orbit! What fun! I know what I’d do if I got my hands on a bike during the day off, and as a result, we’d finally have an answer to two of any UNM student’s most nagging questions: How deep is the duck pond? And how hard is it to retrieve a bicycle from the duck pond? Won’t it be great?
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You propose a mandatory bike/board-free day? I instate mandatory everyone-bikes-day! On this day, anyone not on a wheeled form of transportation can be assaulted, and their possessions stolen and hurled into the duck pond! Your computer is in that bag, you say? Too bad! You threw my $2000 bike into the duck pond, I'll throw your computer, cell phone, and text books!
ReplyDeleteDear anynomous: Thanks for your thoughtful comments. Please look up "satire" when you have the time. A whole new world will open up for you! Then you can go read "A Modest Proposal" by Jonathan Swift and not think he was actually suggesting the starving people of Ireland eat their children (not that I'm suggesting my blog was up to that quality).
ReplyDeleteGreat blog, Nathan. I did enjoy it. Of course, behind all satirical work, there is an underlying issue that infuriates the author and likely many others. While I can empathize with your frustration, I can also relate to the 'wheeled' people.
ReplyDeleteOften, I will ride my bicycle to campus. I have classes on main campus, but I also do research on north campus. I need a quick way to commute between campuses — and no, I don't want to wait for that noncore courtesy shuttle that occasionally rolls around during day. I need my bike to get any reasonable amount of work done.
On the other hand, when I am merely a pedestrian on campus, I have been victim to near-death experiences when cyclists speed by me, inches from my face. This predicament reminds me of the snowboard v. ski dilemma. I hate boarders when I'm skiing, and I hate skiers when I'm boarding.
Unlike the winter-sport quandary, there may be a solution for our problem; and it certainly is a problem. Instead of freely throwing bikes into the duck pond (ha ha), perhaps we could convince our administrators to arrange for a bike/skate path. That way, pedestrians wouldn't have to fear for their lives, and bikers and skaters wouldn't have to slalom through crowds.
This is a real issue on campus, and one that deserves addressing. Well done for raising awareness.
Nathan- I completely agree with you on the issue of bikers and skateboarders on campus. I have had a couple of close calls, but have never been hit. While some of these students are careful and controlled, some weave dangerously in and out of groups of pedestrians, as if we are simply traffic cones. I suggest the UNM administration create a specific area or path for these riders. I enjoyed your snarky comment to the previous anonymous comment.
ReplyDeleteI certainly have no problem with people using bikes and boards to get to class faster. That is, after all, why we enjoy the shuttles. But who am I to refuse a day for open cruelty? I second your motion for a bike/board free day, though I would secretly be hoping for a few people to break the rule. If I failed a test on No Skaters Day - wow. That poor, poor little pothead wouldn't stand a chance in saving his skateboard. On those days with little or no sleep, however, I may be inclined to mistake a wheelchair for a bicycle and accidently throw Timmy into the duck pond.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your post. Silly and enjoyable. I do realize this is probably based on a very real annoyance you have with the afformentioned, but hell, we all have things that bother us. On some days, I hate everyone on campus - bike or not. I pray someone really would hit me with their bike so I could go Rambo on them and exercise my vocal cords in the fine art of the war cry. Perhaps I should buy a bandana for that very occasion.